I’m sick of not being able to champion and honor my favorite people.  One of these people is Doctor Emmett Brown.  I believe Doctor Brown should be nominated for the Nobel Peace prize to honor his wonderful achievements in science.  He is the inventor of the first time machine, which he built out of a De Lorean sports car. His earlier inventions met with limited success but he was able to create a large refrigerator and steam locomotive time machine in 1885.

“Doc”, as he is referred to by his best friend, Marty McFly, was born in 1920, in Hill Valley, California. A scientist by trade, Doc is a “student of all sciences” and spends much of his time inventing. He is a lover of all the animals, usually has a pet dog – in 1955, his pet was named Copernicus after Nicolaus Copernicus, and by 1985, he had a dog named Einstein after Albert Einstein. Doc’s role models are scientists, as evidenced by the names of his dogs and the portraits of Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, and Albert Einstein found in his laboratory .

Doc did not believe in “love at first sight” until he ended up meeting his future wife Clara Clayton in 1885, she has stood by him through thick and thin.

Aside from a few criminal activities (buying plutoneum etc) he is a pillar of scientific accomplishment.  I urge everyone to join this effort and write to: comments@nobelprize.org.

Blik is awesome. It is a place that gives you awesome wall decals to make you and your apartment look cooler thank you actually are. Also they have now partnered with Threadless so you can customize your wall graphics.

CUSTOM PRINTING RULES. www.whatisblik.com

These two HAVE to have it coming to them.  If I could kill two people and have no ramifications in this life or the afterlife, I would.  Seriously Tom Brady has a baby with a woman, and then clearly shows no care in the world for it, and goes off and fucking loses the Superbowl in the same year he becomes the spokesperson for STETSON.  You loser douche.

And then Kanye.  Kanye Kanye.  He has some talent.  He has interesting ideas.  But he is so not of this world when it comes to realizing he is still just a guy, I can’t really believe it.  Like does this guy really think he is better than a MJ, or anyone else that has helped define music?  Stop being a person we all want to kill.  Just stop.  We are sorry your Mom died, but clearly God taking your mother from this earth to teach you a lesson in not being a asshole, has not phased you at all.   You have taken that in stride, and I believe you have made a song about it as well.

Good luck to both of you.  Because I really do see a day when this will come back to haunt you.  And that day probably involves flames and a guy with a pitchfork thingy.

Beyonce. You are the diva of my generation. Not only that, you have snagged the heart of one of the greatest rappers and producers of all time. And to top it off you have successfully transitioned from strange pop trio “Destiny’s Child” to become a super star in your own right. However. You must put on pants. Put them on right now. Before you do one more thing.

Your thighs are really just huge. Gigantic in fact. We aren’t sure why you felt compelled to wear 2 glorified underwear outfits on national TV, but your instincts, or stylist/mom have betrayed you. I realize that when someone asks me, “Hey could you do an introduction for Tina Turner and honor all the great black women performers of this century?” my first reaction is to put on a pair of underwear and violently shake my head and bootie while singing the words that were meant to be spoken, but I try to control these urges.

Tina totally showed you up, and mainly because we didn’t even realize you were singing. We just thought you were in some KFC sponsored “thigh showcase”. On the Tina note however, how fabulous was she? Aside for the fairly apparent lack of neck mobility she rocked the house. It really makes me want to marry an abusive cokehead and wear intensely shiny clothing. Go Girl. (Go Tina, not you Beyonce. Tina = Go Girl, Beyonce = Pants Now)

Welcome to Smellslikeabortions.  I like to say things.  Sometimes these things seem mean, but they are really just for funsies. I hope you enjoy it.